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This is THE definitive guide to surviving the UUJMC Scottish trip, I wouldn't recommend other clubs to follow this too closely- stomach pumps can be expensive and heavy to carry....
What to Pack? | Equipment Review | Layer System | Base Camp | Out on the Hill | Drinking Tips | Returning in Style
There's a finite limit to the amount of crap you can bring with you, I have broken it down into essential, useful, luxury and worthless. Some of the more important stuff is explained further in the equipment review section.
1. Waterproof Trousers - Keep out the rain and snow, see Equipment Review
2. Waterproof Coat - Keep out the rain and snow, see Equipment Review
3. Jacket - Keep you warm, see Equipment Review
4. Boots - You can hire these, see Equipment Review
5. Socks - Proper hiking ones if you want to save your little tootsies, bring plenty as you may need to double up
6. Hat - No not a baseball cap, get one that keeps you warm
7. Gloves - at least two pair as it’s nice to have warm hands and gloves get wet in Scottish snow, see Equipment Review
8. Gaiters - Only if your waterproof trousers don't come equipped with them
9. Sleeping Bag - It gets cold at night
10. Carry Mat
11. Head Torch - Don't forget spare batteries
12. Water Bottle - At least a litre
13. Harness - Club has some
14. Helmet - Club has some
15. Rucksack - 30 / 40 Litre is adequate plus a waterproof liner (plastic bag)
16. Walking Ice Axe - Club has some, can also be hired
17. Crampons - Club has some, can also be hired
1. Thermos Flask - Keep you warm
2. Penknife
3. Thermals - light and warm, you don't need super ones, Mark's & Spencer's will do fine
4. Ski goggles - Handy if the conditions are bad
5. 1 Karabiner - Or as many as you can bring
6. 1 Sling - 120cm
7. Rock Shoes - If weather is too bad we might be climbing indoors
8. A personal first aid kit- No not a bottle of whiskey and some aspirin
9. Whistle - Good for rescue and low visibility
10. Thermos Flask - No need for one each, one between two would be fine- more useful for the freshers cos you may be standing about
1. Spare pants - Why do you need these? washing is cheating
2. Toothbrush - Lets face it, your not going to be snoggin' anyone
3. Playing Cards - Good for drinking games
4. CD's - For dancing and partying
5. Books - In case you run out of toilet roll
1. More than two changes of Clothes
2. Soap
3. A Crate of Makeup
4. 'Going out' Clothes
This section contains more information about the items above, giving several alternatives, starting with the worst and finishing with the best. Generally you'll find that cost is the biggest limiting factor and ultimately you can get away with most of the midrange stuff.
Each item has an average cost, a description and a list of important things to look for.
These come in three types-
| Type | Cost | Description | What To look For | ||||||||
| Bin liner style Pish-pants | £10-20 | You might as well wrap yourself up in cling film, these
crappy pants will let water in like the titanic but wont prevent any sweat
from getting out-
But, as the little birdy says...... their 'cheap' |
Prayer | ||||||||
| Waterproof Trousers | £40-90 | These are fine, walk-in in your trousers and stick these on if it rains or when you hit the snowline, a fine set of full length zips will enable you to put them on over your boots and most come with tougher crampon protection areas on the lower legs. Just make sure their breathable! |
|
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| Uber Waterproof Trousers | £100-160 | These mammas will keep you warm and dry in the most adverse
conditions, thick enough to mean that only thermals need be worn
underneath but articulated at the knee and ass for easy walking- fully
breathable and totally waterproof these will really make you feel like the
man.
Some come with ever useful build in gaiters which can be a real asset for bum-sliding and keeping your ankles roasty warm |
|
These come in three types-
| Type | Cost | Description | What To look For | ||||||||
| Plastic Mac | £5-20 | Unless your going to spot trains avoid this little number,
cos its a little number two.
Your gonna sweat like a whore and the rain will finally work its way in unless your the wax monster- on the plus side their 'cheap' |
Not a Poncho you crazy bastard | ||||||||
| The coat your ma give you | Anything | Just cos your mammy said it would keep you warm and it cost
a million quid it still might be designer tosh with no useful features-
check the labels for key words like breathable, windproof, gore-tex,
triple point etc.
If in doubt get an experienced club member to (check it/wear it home from the pub) first |
Any of the stuff mentioned below | ||||||||
| Waterproof Jacket (Shell) | £40-90 | Grand wee jackets
that stop the rain but allow you to sweat your little heart out. Make sure
its proper breathable or you'll
freeze, pit-zips can be handy as well. Oh, and you'll probably need a warm
coat to wear under it. Make sure you can tighten it around the bottom or
the first upward draft will turn it into a helmet cover.
Note: These can be hugely expensive for uber ones but don't bother, its just for show-offs. A nice wee one will see you sound for many a season |
|
||||||||
| Waterproof Coat | £100-200 | Ahhhhh there's
nothing like being dry, double layered gore-tex or such like keeps out the
wind, rain and snow yet thick enough to mean you only need a jumper
and a base layer underneath.
Make sure its got a hood and decent map pocket, as well as other extras such as snow skirts, air vents, or even one-handed toggles meaning you only need one hand to tighten stuff- make sure the hood can fit a helmet. |
|
Here is some of the main types-
| Type | Cost | Description | What To look For | ||||||
| The coat your ma give you | Anything | Oh Jesus no more of these- Just cos your mammy said it would keep you warm and it cost
a million quid it still might be designer tosh with no useful features-
you can however get away with one of these if you have a good waterproof
jacket
If in doubt get an experienced club member to (check it/wear it home from the pub) first |
Any of the stuff mentioned below | ||||||
| Fleece | £30-100 | A grand wee fleece does the trick, keeping you warm and cosy, try and get one that has a full length zip and is windproof, other added features are raised necks to keep your nosy warm and cool reversible ones. |
|
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| Buffalo | £90 | Holy fu*k your an animal! wear these babies next to the skin and let the good times roll, will keep you warm and dry you out and can even come with hoods and fuzzy face covers. These are also a little water proof |
|
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| Down Jacket | £100-200 | Aren't you the mutts nuts, these are so warm you wont even be able to wear it unless your buried up to your neck in ice cubes. Not as water proof as it claims and hot-rocks turn them into chicken-suits. | Go on, get a north face one |
Here is some of the main types-
| Type | Cost | Description | What To look For | ||||
| Trainers | Anything | If you come in these I'll personally break your ankles so we don't have to rescue you when you do it on the mountain | Some form of stick-resistant body protection | ||||
| DM's | Anything | You might not break your ankle but you'll wish you had when
these turn your feet to mush.
Don't even bother getting on the boat |
Punk hairstyles and Denim | ||||
| Hiking Boots | £30 - £100 | Nifty wee hiking boots are grand for a dander up a hill but when you hit the snow your gonna get wetter than a virgin in a brothel. These wont take crampons either. |
Plastic socks | ||||
| Semi-Rigid Boots | £70 - £120 | These will do the job for grade ones, rigid enough to take
walking crampons yet flexible enough to double as hiking boots.
Make sure and get walking crampons that fit. |
|
||||
| Fully-Rigid Boots | £80 - £150 | No longer comfortable to hike in but these will get you all
of the grades of snow and ice.
Make sure they are suitable for rigid crampons. |
|
||||
| Plastic Boots | £100-200 | Totally rigid and waterproof these are the ultimate ice and snow boot, if you can survive the 'Suburban Commando' style walk-in |
Woohoo, now you got the kit what next?
Next you learn how to put it on, no silly we're not going to help you into your pants.... out of them maybe, but there is a specific way of wearing clothes in traditional Scottish weather.
There are a few rules that you need to stick to-
1. Don't wear waterproofs next to the skin, they leach away you heat at an astounding rate- even over t-shirts or shorts.
2. Don't get fleeces wet- they get heavy and there's nothing colder than a wet fleece, cover up with your water proofs.
3. Cover up as much skin as you can, a good pair of gloves, a hat and maybe even a scarf and decent socks.
That's the basic don'ts, now for some does-
Everyone's layer system is different depending on their equipment and personal preference.
Start with a base layer- dry-flow or thermal t-shirt and some thermal long-johns.
Second layer is warm but not waterproof, either a jumper or a fleece for the top and some non-denim trousers.
Final layer is your waterproofs, water proof jacket and water proof trousers, now if you have a good waterproof coat you can forgo the fleece for a jumper and if you have super waterproof trousers you can forgo the trousers altogether- but only if you have long-johns, otherwise you'll break rule one.
Every year I watch everyone jump off the bus, shiver at the cold and stick on every item of clothing they brought. Five minutes later it looks like a bring and buy sale. Personally I start out with just a fleece on over my t-shirt- and when I hit the snow or it starts to rain I switch to jumper and waterproof. Don't worry you'll soon warm up when your walking.
Remember- getting too hot is just as bad as getting too cold, if you sweat too much you will overload your breathable fabrics and your clothes will start to get saturated, when you stop moving this sweat will rapidly cool leaving you in serious trouble.
Neither is it a good idea getting cold- putting a layer on, getting too hot and then taking it off and getting too cold etc. It is better to find a medium where you are neither getting too hot or getting to cold.
If the path looks like its going to get very steep for a while take off a layer before you start. Don't wait till your overheating!
This one may seem a bit of a no brainer but there is some important things you have to do before getting sl (ashed/eepy).
Number one, when you get back to base camp change clothes right away, get out of your wet gear
Number two, DO NOT FORGET THIS- make sure all the stuff you need for the hill is sitting on a radiator getting dry, make sure your boots are upside-down on a radiator if they are wet, make sure every item- especially socks gloves and hats are dry. Do this early and you will be able to check up on them every couple of hours to ensure they are dry all over for the next day.
Number three, pack all your gear ready for the next day, cos when you are all snuggled up beside your teddy in the morning and everyone else is ready to go YOU WONT LIKE SOMEONE MEAN LIKE ME SHOUTING IN YOUR EAR AND GIVING YOUR KIDNEYS A GOOD WORKING OVER WILL YOU? Remember if any of your gear didn't fit properly, especially crampons and adjust it ready for the next day. If you forget any of your gear you will be left sitting on the bus for a very long period of time where you will be able to reflect on what you did.
Finally, once you had completed the above sit back and relax, you'll feel much better when people are running about the next morning, either that or they are doing something else and no-one told you......
If you are heading up to do a route, get a load of maps, and guidebooks and your whole team around a table, even if you learn nothing it looks good.
Stuff that's useful for base camp-
Cards
Beers
Gameboys
Twister
Beers
Books
Beers
and beer
Basically it all depends what you've done, freshers will get two days with a guide, a rest day and the chance to go for a hike or possibly get to go up a grade 1 route.
If your back for the second time your intermediate- and you get more time with the guides who will go over more advanced techniques, you may also get to go out on your own or with a more experienced climber for some grade 1/2 action.
Third year or more and the skies the limit! pick your routes grab your gear and head of into the sunset. If you don't read below theres a good chance you wont be coming back either...
What you'll learn-
Putting on all your gear
Moving on snow
How to use you Ice Axe
How to Ice Axe break
Basic Avalanche detection
What you'll learn-
Belays- bucket seat, stomper, buried ice-axe
Gear placement- ice screws, warthogs, dead men etc
Assessing conditions
Navigation
Avalanche detection
What you NEED TO KNOW-
Navigation in a whiteout - This is totally essential for survival, I'm not joking
Navigation in a whiteout - Swear to god you need this stuff, it includes pacing, map reading and compass bearings
Belays- bucket seat, stomper, buried ice-axe
Gear placement- ice screws, warthogs, dead men for snow and slings nuts and hexes for mixed routes etc
So, you think your ready for this? well, your not, but you gotta learn somewhere right?
First of all there are two big limiting factors-
1. The weather
2. Where the bus is going
The 'global' weather refers to what is happening long term on the slopes, which way the wind has been blowing and how much snow/ice has landed.
The wind will lift all the snow off one side of a slope and drop it on the other-
So, if you are walking up the left hand slope there's a high chance your going to get avalanched, If your walking up the right hand slope you've got the wind at your back and your fine.
The snow will effect you if there has been a big powder dump, this refers to a large amount of powdery snow falling in a short space of time, this will REALLY hamper your walking on the walk-in, so if your route needs a 6k walk-in over fields you'll need about two days to get there.
Where the bus is going is not a huge limiting factor, but it is suggested that you pick somewhere close to everyone else so you know you've got friends in the vicinity. Also it makes life easier at home time- getting left out in the snow for two hours while the bus gets lost in the pub is NOT FUN.
The best way to find all this information is talking to the Guide, they know their shit and will probably be able to give you a list of good routes or possibly some more information about the route you are going on- don't feel like your copping out, there is no shame in getting a heads up like- "watch out on the second pitch, there's a mad testical eating rabbit, bring a machete" you never know when it could save your life... or your testicals.
"No sweat, lets just go as the crow flys- it'll save time" will be the last thing you ever say, learn how to read the map, try and follow paths, keep the map in an easy to get place and LOOK AT THE BLOODY THING from time to time.
Click here for a quick route planning guide
Second, you might think its easy to find the start of the route? Its not, its really hard. If you don't bring the guidebook with you you better pray for a group of English speaking spider monkeys to be in the same area or you'll be going home again.
During the walk in you may have to stick on your crampons before you reach the route- use your common sense for this one and remember you want to keep them off for as long as possible, if the snow is shallow or there are large patches of rocks your better off keeping them in your rucksack. Once the slope picks up and the snow gets deeper stick them on. Generally you wont be needing them until your ready to put on your harness and get roped up.
During the walk-in keep your eye on the sky, watch for changing weather. If you see clouds moving check them every half hour and gauge how quickly they are moving and in what direction.
I'm gonna try and not help you here, its something that you need to experience it for yourself- just some pointers
If you didn't get your eyes opened in the route you will now, about 80% of the time you'll be topping out in dense thick cloud.
This is where all the epics and accidents happen, the space from the top of a route to sitting down and resting is enough to get utterly lost.
Have your exit route planned before you get there, know where your heading- Check your map, look for summits, if there is one close to the top of your route take a bearing from there remember to follow ridges as much as you can. Cairns are your friend, they are marked on the map and are usually summits.
Stick to your compass, don't listen to the voices in your head- it might sound stupid but there have been several times when I have been convinced that the compass is wrong... IT ISN'T the compass is never wrong, its the gin talking.
Click here for information about making compass bearings
Ideally you want to wait for the bus somewhere where there is shelter from the wind and rain, and if you can manage it warmth and food.
I would recommend hot whiskey or port, all the guides tell you that alcohol makes you colder because it causes the blood to flow to the surface of your skin, causing rapid heat loss. This is true long term on the mountain but if you get near a warm pub get as much alcohol lashed into you as you can.
And there you go, another story to tell!
At last, forget all the new experience available on the hill, Scotland contains a magical liquid called ale.
Don't be a pussy and drink the same crap you drink at home, take the chance to sample as many of the different ales as you can, and I do mean as many different ones as you can, you can even ask the barman if there are any local or particularly good ones.
A good chaser to match these fine ales is a nice single malt whisky, again its best to ask the barman about good ones but make sure and try a wide range before settling on one you could take home to meet your mother. A good guide to how good a whisky is is where it is, if its on optic its not single malt- go for the dusty ones on the back shelves with pictures of sheep poo on them.
Don't go near the water with JP.
So you want to return to the land of snow and ale? I don't blame you, the Scotland trip always seems too long and too short at the same time.
Its easier than you think, a car of people can travel over quite cheaply and if you have borrowed or bought enough gear there's no hire costs. If its just a long weekend you can easily sleep in the car with the right amount of marinade. There are several methods of doing this-
Rich method- Go and stay in a hostel living it up with fancy gear and cheep hookers
Alpine Style- Bring all your own gear and a sleeping bag, a bottle of port should see you warm enough to sleep in the car, bring enough money to buy chippies over there.
Conroy Style- Injure your friends a week before so you can borrow their gear when they cant go, rather than bring money for food and drink bring some friends and steal theirs.
Why are you still here? Get out there and climb!!!!!!
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